Monday, July 27, 2009 @ 5:40 PM
The feeling is so strange to me. No words could explain the anxiety i was facing when she was inside longer than expected.
She came out in daze and crying in pain.
I do not know how to react.
I am trying my best. I am still trying.
All i wish now is for her speedy recovery.
I thank God that complications were kept to the minimum and that she is on the road to recovery.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009 @ 10:57 PM
"Because i am a women".
"I dun understand"
"You will never understand"
- All women cry for no reason -
When God made women, they have to be special.
God made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world yet gentle enough to give comfort.
God gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
God gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
God gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances even when her child has hurt her very badly.
God gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
God gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife but sometimes test her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, God gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.
Thursday, June 04, 2009 @ 10:59 PM
Questions after questions keep popping up in my head and you hold the answer to everything. I firmly believe that IF YOU TREAT US AS YOUR BESTFRIENDS YOU SHOULD BE HONEST AND OPEN TO US INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY OR KEEPING QUIET. WHAT A WAY TO TREAT YOUR BESTFRIENDS.
First of all i would like to inform you that we choose not to wish you on your birthday because you told us to "leave me alone then". And so we granted your very wish. We tried to get answers from you and were concern but you pushed us away. It was a damn awful feeling to get pushed away by your very own bestfriends. I was damn disappointed at your attitude. I may not be the best and nicest person on earth but at least i know NOT to pushed away my bestfriends because i treasure them.
We were waiting for you to actually call or msg us to make up for it BUT YOU DID NOT. YOU CHOOSE TO RUN AWAY. And let me tell you, running away DOES NOT solve anything. It will just remain as that. You lied and you cannot expect us to find you right. We already did our part by calling you and dropping by your place to talk things out but your 'heck-care' attitude that day was just plain rude. You DID NOT even want to open the present which we already told you was something special to us. What was even disappointing was that you did not even give us any damn indication that you appreciated it at all! And worse of all you were not open to us.
UP TILL NOW WE STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO LIE. WHY SHAFAWATI. WHY?
You can be crying and feeling sad (which i am not sure if you are anyway since you got SO MANY friends around you who care for you) about everything but if you CHOOSE TO CONTINUE THAT WAY NOBODY CAN HELP YOU. We tried to help you by hoping you will open up and express yourself (and stop saying that you are not good at that because there are so many ways to express yourself) but you choose to keep quiet. AND SO STOP SAYING NO ONE IS THERE FOR YOU. That is bullshit. If you choose not to talk, we will not be able to know and when we do not know we are unable to help you.
"This always happen on my birthday" - Shafa, we tried to make it the best for you but you ruined it yourself. And what was more shitty was that you even got the cheek to even say on sunday that "it already happen and i cannot change it, so i can only say sorry". For goodness sake shafa, do you even think a sorry serves to solve everything without any PROPER explanation!!!!!!!! That tone and attitude when you were saying that is seriously plain 'heck care'.
Is this how you treat your bestfriends? If you continue being this way being egoistic and quiet you will just end up regretting this very day. YOu will regret your actions and serve to lose a precious friendship (if you still feel that our friendship is precious).
You keep saying you have no friends la, and you would rather be spending time with us if given a choice BUT YOUR ACTIONS DOES NOT SEEM TO SHOW ANY OF THAT. As a matter of fact, you have many friends who actually love and care for you.
And if you still continue to keep quiet and not speak up.. i really do not know what to say of you aymore.
You have changed into someone i do not know anymore. Anyway enhoy yourself on your birthday.
Right this moment, all your friends might say that i am very evil and mean. But to be treated by you in that way has leave me with no choice. You may think that i am being cruel but let me tell you.. so are you..
We want not only sorry but an explanation and answers.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009 @ 11:15 PM
I feel resentful towards the way i was treated and insinuated at.
Lets see. my objectives for OJT is to learn as much as possible and for learning to take place, i need to be proactive.
I have to admit that my Proactive-ness was super super mild to the extent that i was always seen doing nothing but sit down.
I am not proactive because i was alone in an unfamiliar terrain. I need to be certain of the flow of the work and i definitely cannot do the paperwork because i am not from there and they obviosuly do not trust me because I AM A STUDENT.
SSN: You know you are attached here, you need to walk around. There is a camera you know (Pointing at the camera). You know you need to walk around.
Me: (Nod head, smile) Ok. *I got the hint*
In ma heart, Whadda hell. Its 8am and there is NO patient. What am i suppose to do!!!
And so i walk around (as instructed) looking at paintings at the same time trying very hard to find things to do to occupy myself.
ok here is a scenario.
What do you do when an agitated patient refused her blood pressure to be taken by you and is very agitated +++ ?
Try again later right? and If that doesnt work still what do you do? Leave it blank like that even though you know that she was given IM Lorazepam?
Last resort is to seek the help of the family members la.
SSN: The machine cost thousands of dollars you know. Cannot leave the machine like that. Cannot let the Family member do (while looking at one of the SN). If spoilt how?
I know she was hinting at me because I WAS THE ONE WHO SEEK HELP FROM FAMILY MEMBERS. I knew she just does not trust me.
Damn you la. the blood pressure of the patient more important right. And anyway, if you are really so concern about the machine, tell me straight to my face la. STOP INSINUATING.
She ignored me and pretend as if i was invisbile.
I HATE. Really hate being here. Its boring having to idle around, trying hard to find something to do with minimal patients for my 8 hours shift.
Blood pressure taking.
"chatting" with the patients while awaiting to be seen by Drs.
How much can this occupy me for the damn 8 Hours and at the same time having to tolerate irritating SSN who thinks i know nothing and doing nothing. I really wish i was never here.
I have NEVER love attachments since my Diploma days and that feeling has never chanegd one bit.
Thursday, May 21, 2009 @ 12:03 AM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009 @ 12:41 AM
It really dawn on me that the feeling is crippling.
I tried to stay away and thought i was strong enough for everything but God has its own plan for me. Fate definitely has its way of ridiculing you at times leaving me dumbfounded at times. I pray to God everyday to give me the strength and serenity to wake up every day with the sun shining on me.
When life hits me hard on the head, i drop unconscious and hope that i will never wake up but i will always wake up somehow picking up the little pieces at a time. It has never been an easy task but somehow i manage to scrape by.
To start with, i am never perfect, living in an imperfect home leading a nothing out of the ordinary life. And i have learnt that i can never expect to be treated the same like how i treated people. At the end of the day i will just end up hurt and disappointed.
I wait for the sun to rise everyday hoping that the crippling feeling will stop haunting me.
Sunday, May 10, 2009 @ 12:35 AM
It just feel odd and out of place not being able to hear you. It may sound superficial but not being able to hear you makes me feel far.
But it is all about putting that trust and faith in you.
I can do it. I have to be strong and patient.
When the going gets tough, always look forward to the light that will shine at the end of the tunnel.
Monday, April 13, 2009 @ 12:12 AM
A skill that i need to master. The loudness seems to be getting out of hand.
Sunday, April 12, 2009 @ 8:57 PM
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 @ 7:49 PM
1. I am insensitive
2. I am inconsiderate
3. I offend everybody
4. I always got no time
5. I am definitely not a good fren
Sometimes it just hurts when the people around you expect you to understand their point but no one understand my point.
